How do you feel?

No but really. How. Do. You. Feel?

Not about what you see in the mirror, not how you feel about that picture you’re tagged in. How do you feel when you wake up? Do your knees ache, your back? Does it hurt to get out of bed? Do you get that tingling in your left arm or pain in your chest and you’re sure that this one is surely a heart attack?

When talking about weight loss, I’m worried about how I’d look if I lost weight. I always tell people how I don’t want to lose too much weight ‘cause I would look weird, but I never take into consideration that I would probably feel amazing. I somehow think that just cause I look cool, that it justifies that my body is screaming that it can’t take it anymore.

I strut right past all the things that’s I’ve become acclimated to after all these years, the things that I think are normal. The fact that my knees pop and hurt when I walk. The aches and the pains. The shortness of breath.

I try to walk around proud of who I am, not giving the slightest sh*t about what people think of me, but I’m self-conscious about eating out. I’m worried people will judge me, but the thought that that next slice of pizza could be the one that clogs my arteries never crosses my mind. I think about an outfit, but not the fact that if I don’t change, I won’t need many more outfits.

Sure, I may be thinking a little dramatically seeing that I’m only 36, but I’d rather be paranoid about my health then paranoid about boarding a flight cause I’m scared of what people will think.

We can get so busy shadowboxing the image of ourselves. We have been disfranchised from society, combating what society thinks of us. But what would it be like to live without that and along the way, still love yourself the way you should?

Maybe we just need to accept that we need to change for the better.

As always,
Be well, be happy, be kind, be loved.
-Sam

What do you think about more— the way you look or the way you feel?
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