I have a “dad bod.” I don’t like it. But I have one.

Although I just became a dad earlier this year, I’ve had this body for most of my life now, save a few years in my mid-twenties when I was maintaining comfortable eating and exercise routines, a comfortable personal weight, and a (relatively) comfortable body image. Technically, “dad bod” is not an actual fitness term or medical term. If it were either of these, it would probably fall somewhere along the lines of “poor abdominal muscle definition,” or “overweight bordering obese.”

Instead, we call it “dad bod,” a playful slang term which, according to urban dictionary means “a male body type that is best described as ‘softly round.’ It's built upon the theory that once a man has found a mate and fathered a child, he doesn't need to worry about maintaining a sculpted physique... The dad bod is built for comfort.”

Comfort, huh? Comfortable for who, exactly?

Does my wife find me comfortable to lay on? Probably.
Would I make a decent human punching bag for my kids with the right combination of softness and resistance? I think so.
But am I comfortable with my body?

No, not at all.

I understand why people use the term “dad bod.” It’s a way of saying, You’re not fit (anymore) but hey, we (society) will give you a “pass” because you have a kid now and “real adult responsibilities” that prevent you from having the time, energy, or willpower to eat well and exercise regularly. It’s a nice, if not gracious gesture, I guess— at least in theory. But it doesn’t exactly feel great when you’ve had what would classify as a “dad bod” well before you’ve actually become a dad.

People would say, “Oh… well… that’s ok, it’ll be fine once you have a kid.” Sure, maybe it becomes more understandable that one might fall out of shape upon becoming a new parent. But “dad bod” to me also kind of feels like an excuse, a crutch. It feels like some kind of failure on my part to get my act together, make some meal plans, and get myself out the door to go for a run, a walk, something active. It feels like like an admittance of defeat, a moratorium on my ability to have that somewhat more fit body I once used to have. It feels as though I’m basically saying that my days of having realistic aspirations of being fit again are over— it’s probably not going to happen.

But then again, maybe it will.

While it may not seem like it from what I see on the outside, I’m fighting against justifying having a “dad bod” and I haven’t given up hope.  I know that it’s likely to be a while before I achieve the body type I had in my mid-twenties, if I ever get there again at all, but I still believe I can gradually work towards it.

While I don’t practice these things regularly enough, I still remember how to keep my impulsive eating to a minimum, how to exercise and be active, keep myself accountable and maintain my body in a way I’m comfortable with. I just haven’t made it as much of a priority as I once did, because as we know, life takes over. I actually have a kid now.

Of course, I want to do it for myself, to feel better about the body I’m living in. I want to be able to play sports recreationally, climb the stairs without having to catch my breath or grab at an aching knee. I want to experience the self-compassion and self-kindness that any person would try to allow themselves to feel.

But even more than that, I also want to do it for my family. For my wife and for my child (and future children) who makes the “dad” in “dad bod” official. I want to be able to keep up with them, to run around and play with them, and to be around for them as long as I possibly can be.

Sometimes we find motivation from within. Other times our greatest motivators live outside ourselves. For me, it’s a little of both. I’m determined not to use my status as a father as a reason to give up on making my body what I want it to be, and determined to turn this “dad bod” into something I feel more proud of, and more comfortable in.

We may not ever get back to exactly where we once were, but we can always fight it, change it, and make the effort to get a little bit closer to where we want to be.

What are your greatest motivators when it comes to maintaining your body?
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