As a fat person, and a woman, nothing makes me want to crawl into a hole more than the thought of taking up too much space.

I recently flew to Portland, and despite my excitement to travel and visit with friends, a nagging thought persisted in the back of my mind: “Girl, you are going to spill out into the next seat and make your neighbor uncomfortable.”

I pretty much think this way every single time I have to sit next to anyone. And I do mean anyone. It doesn’t matter if I will be sitting next to family or friends. My mind is constantly racing with thoughts like:

If the seats have armrests, will I be able to fit?

Do the armrests go up?

Will the person sitting next to me be fat?

Is this chair sturdy?

Am I going to spill out the sides of the chair?

Are people going to be looking at me?

Am I making others uncomfortable?

This idea of making people uncomfortable by taking up too much space, is generally something men don’t think as much about. Ask any woman who has taken public transportation about “man-spreading” (when a man sits with his legs open). I see it happen constantly. It doesn’t matter if it is rush hour on a crowded train, there is always a handful of men sitting with their legs open.

Meanwhile, women are generally expected to quietly accept it. We grow up believing that men are allowed and encouraged to not only take up space but be unapologetic about it. Fat women are looked at as if we should be banned from certain places because of taking up too much space. It’s as though any form of scorn or ridicule is placed upon us as a form of punishment for existing like society is trying to teach us a lesson: conform to the ideal body standard, or get the hell out of the way.

Why do we make it okay for men to feel unbothered about infringing on others’ personal space, but any woman who fails to meet societal standards of an acceptable body type, should feel ashamed? If I DO spill out into the seat next to me, I apologize every three seconds. I try and make myself as small as humanly possible. I cringe at the knowledge I am making someone physically uncomfortable due to my size.

If you’re on a crowded train, we’re all uncomfortable. Guys, as a general courtesy, be more aware of the people around you when you stretch your legs. Ladies, there’s no need to curl into a ball— we all take up space and there’s no shame in it. I can’t help how much space I take up and neither can you, but we can all be considerate of each other’s space.

How do you show consideration for other people’s space?
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