What defines you?

It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? For some of us, it’s one that comes with a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings. Many of us want for the best parts of us, the things we cherish and feel great about, to be what defines us. I know I do.

The unfortunate part, though, is that in reality, what we feel defines us often tends to be the things we don’t feel so great about. Some of the negative things that we have heard so often, they become our truth and who we believe we are.

“Too fat.”
“Too thin.”
“Too tall.”
“Too short.”

These are the things so many of us hear over and over, and it can start to feel like this is all we are— a combination of traits that don’t fit what is “right.” The result is a constant cycle of trying to achieve something unrealistic. I have been there, and I continue to fight my way through this internal conflict more than I’d like to admit. 

When I think about this question, “what defines me?” I realize it is mostly the things that I have spent my life thus far trying to change or make disappear. What has changed? I realize that the only way to change what defines me is to start with what I believe. There is an amazing energy and power in seeing people work toward self-acceptance and self-love no matter where they fall on the “ideal human being” spectrum. To reclaim control and power over your own life by saying, “this is who I am and despite others’ thoughts, I am worthy”— that is redefining.

It is a constant struggle when you live in a world where worthiness is very one-dimensional, but you can control what you pay attention to and reinforce. I promise you, the journey past self-hatred to self-compassion is one that can be life-altering. You can choose to see the beauty and strength in yourself and others, because we all have it, and it’s a real, true path to happiness. 

As for some concrete, practical ways to start making this happen, here are some things I have personally found to be helpful throughout my own process:

Social Media

Clean up your social media and get rid of anything that perpetuates the unrealistic beauty ideals society places on us. Flood your feeds with positive, uplifting people who promote self-love and healthy growth.

Compassion

Practicing self-compassion is most important. It’s important when you’re feeling bad or negative just as much as when you’re feeling positive. You can learn more about this idea at selfcompassion.org.

Love

Start making time for practices in your life that promote self-love and overall wellness. Whether it’s journaling, mindfulness practices, therapy, or yoga, there are a lot of ways to feel good in your mind, body, and soul.

Network

Find a network. There are other people out there striving for the same way of life as you are, trust me. You just have to find them.

The journey is truly one day and one moment at a time, and you won’t always get it right! You’ll slip back into old ways of thinking and have days where you just can’t get yourself there. Know that it is ok. Awareness is truly the first step to a process that is anything but linear— learn from every obstacle and lesson along the way.

What can you do to block out negativity and focus on positivity in your life?
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